Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Death seems so amazing.....


The thing in Confessions of a Mask that was really starting to make me wonder about the narrators sanity is his fascination with death. As we talked about in class we do have to keep in mind that this is the narrator looking back at his life telling the story. So therefore his thoughts about the  meaning of things in his childhood are colored by his experiences and thoughts currently in his life.  What really concerns me is his obsession with death from a very young age. I think he wasn’t very happy so death seemed like a better option. When he was talking about playing war with his cousins and he was playing dead he said “There was an unspeakable delight in having been shot and being on the point of death. It seemed to me that since it was I, even if actually struck by a bullet, there would surely be no pain…” He doesn’t seem capable of feeling anything. He looks at death as this wonderful thing and doesn’t even seem to think that he would feel any pain, maybe because he feels he isn’t capable of feeling anything. That’s really sad. Knowing the fact that the author killed himself and the fascination that the narrator in this book has with death almost seems like the author was trying to say something about himself through this character. Perhaps the author also was strangely fascinated by death and expressed it the only way he knew how, through a character in one of his books.

6 comments:

  1. Jill,

    I can see where you are coming from. It is strange that the author does seem to have an obsession with death, even from an early age. I mean how many children are known to be like that. In today's society, I'm sure a parent would realize that as abnormal behavior and send them to see a psychologist. Moreover, is this is early on realization that he is different than the rest of his peer in a sexual way. Because he isn’t able to feel the pain of the bullet, maybe he’s feeling the pain of not being accepted for who he is. I do find it odd that he found delight in the fact that he was shot. Not many children would wish that would happen to them; if anything, they’d want to be the one who was shooting someone else. Maybe he sees death as his only way out because acceptance would be highly unlikely? It is sad to think about this, but because we know he is publicly executed, maybe his people learned something and tired to change it. Although it may seem like one person can’t make a difference, but just look at Martin Luther King Jr. It may have taken time for the country to come to acceptance, but maybe he initiated it.

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  2. It is odd, the correlation between author and character. It almost makes you wonder if the novel was a cry for help. Also, his fascination with death seemed to be in the drama of it. Perhaps this is because he feels so stifled and dulled in his restrictive environment, that the ultimate drama of life seems the perfect opposite of his situation. I mean, in a restrictive society, he's quite a bit more restricted than even the norm. His grandmother has it so that he rarely leaves the house, is never allowed to make any noise, he isn't allowed to be friends with children of the same age and gender, and those friends he IS allowed are girls his grandmother selects. And I'm sure we probably all know how forced friendships work out between kids. He also falls deathly ill on a regular basis from the age of four, so death is perhaps a little closer to home for him than most kids. In a way, a lot of his fascinations seem to center around the fact that his life was always teetering on the edge of a tragic death, so he tried to dress that up as something to be desired in order to avoid the oppressive illness breathing down his back. Granted, this is still clearly not normal behavior for a small child, but maybe it's a little less bizarre than it seems.

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  3. PJ, I happened to write my blog about the influence of the authors personal feelings of death and pain on the narrator. However, I will devil's advocate all over this business, “I delighted in imagining situations in which I myself was dying in battler or being murdered. And yet I had an abnormally strong fear of death” (24). This passage implies that the narrator is just behaving as a normal human being would, glorifying death as well as maintaining a crippling fear of the unknown. A grotesque curiosity of gore is what causes people to pull out camera phones as someone is being beaten, it causes rubbernecking to see how bad the car accident was, or why we display the bodies of the dead for people to view at a funeral. At our core, humans desire to observe death, whether it be to learn from it and perhaps glimpse an answer to the unknown or to satisfy a morbid desire. It can be argued that the narrator has an adult's ability to express ideas with a child's unabashed descriptions. This is an excellent combination for learning and adapting, I applaud the narrator for his curiosity and awareness.

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  4. It seems almost foolish to discount the relationship between the authors life and the narrators own fascination with the beyond. But going with what Becca quoted, it seems that he is less obsessed with death itself and more obsessed with avoiding the negative feelings that go along with thinking about it. So as any normal child does, he developed coping mechanisms to deal with his constant face-to-face with death, so as to avoid even more emotional trauma. Perhaps this was something the author himself did? Glorifying death as a means to overcome your fear of it is in no way an uncommon occurrence, in fact I think it's a pretty day to day thing for most people.

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  5. PJ, I like how you made to correlation to his illness and his obsession with death. I had not previously thought of that but it makes a lot of sense. His illnesses bring him close to death but in an undramatic way. Perhaps, by envisioning these horrific and glory filled deaths he is reclaiming death for his own. Instead of death choosing him and what time and place he will die, he wants to be in control of his own death. This also fits with his belief that he will die young from suicide. He wants to be able to have some control over his life because, perhaps, he feels he has no control. Society tells him he is a boy and needs to act a certain way, his illness defines what he can and cannot do. The only thing he has direct control over is his own death if he chooses it. He may also see glory in choosing his own death which is why all of his images are of saints and historical figures who died honorably. He wants to be remembered not for his illnesses and sexuality but for his death. The more glorified the better.

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  6. Be careful of assuming a direct correlation between life and fiction--many writers begin with their lives in their work but, by making it into fiction/a work of art, it becomes far more than biography.

    In terms of the narrator's fetishes, I would argue that he's more attracted to the performance of tragedy, its theatricality, rather than the gritty, dirty reality of bloody death. Coupled with the narrator's desire for death is the desire to take off the mask -- to cease performing normality. Death then becomes the last grand performance that leaves the audience (his family, friends, crushes) morning (desiring) him. He thus stops being the one who wants and is instead the one who is wanted.

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